I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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