so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
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I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize