I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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