even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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