I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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