absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize