This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
