i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize