I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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