Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize