We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize