You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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