watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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