well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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