you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize