Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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