How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
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she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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