When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you had me at cake vodka
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize