So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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