If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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