if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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