So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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