i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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