dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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