If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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