I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize