YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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