Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize