I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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