Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize