weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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