rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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