Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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