i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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