I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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