I have demons in me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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