we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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