My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize