i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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