It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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