The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize