we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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