Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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