you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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