I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize