Will you blow on my dice?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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