I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize