Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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