honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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