Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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